AUGUST 25, 2004 - DISTRACTED

Nothing new going on in my life ... just spent the week getting things in order. And allowing myself to be slightly distracted by the very charasmatic Michael Phelps. I love his attitude and sense of determination. I will share a pic with you all:

I have added a few more pages to the friendship page.

AUGUST 25, 2004 - ANALOGY

There are three men on the edge of a forest. All three men are given instructions to go through the forest to the other side and reach their goal. The first man starts out and wanders through the forest in circles. He finally gives up and ends up back at the beginning. The second man starts out and goes on a straight course through the forest, trampling the grass and flowers as he goes. When he reaches the other side, he looks back and sees the damage he has done to get to his goal. The third man starts out on a straight path and takes the time to enjoy the beauty of the forest. He plants new trees and enjoys the trip. He like the second guy reaches his goal, but when he looks back he sees the beauty that he left behind.

Which man are you?

AUGUST 25, 2004 - SURVIVING

I am hanging on ... by a mere thread. Over the past two months parts of me have been dying ... and I think the time has come when the completion is here. I am dead. The girl that I once was is gone ... and I am not sure she can ever come back. The girl who loved to laugh like a machine gun occassionally surfaces, but the trigger is harder to pull.

I just added a new and improved out of the mouth of quote.

AUGUST 24, 2004 - FOR THE SAKE OF HUMANITY

Urgh! I am going to vent ... you have been warned!

I have tons of fabulous friends from both the female and the male varieties. And I am extremely grateful for these people, but occassionally the male variety sends me in to an emotional roller coaster. And after reading a blog that another girl wrote, it really got me to thinking.

This girl was having a relationship with a man. The two had dated previously and he had come back into her life. She was a little skeptical, but decided to give it a try anyways. Things were going really well and she was extremely happy. As she put it she felt safe and alive with him. Then one day a discussion the two had, brought things to a quick halt. Let me share with you part of her comments:

He emphatically stated, angrily, that he is never, ever going to marry me for the sole reason that I am not good looking enough for him.

And that, guys, is how you ruin a woman's life. Regardless of the source, once a person hears those words, from anyone, just once, they stick like super glue for life. Coming from the person the woman loves wholly and dearly above and beyond all others, those words are fatal.

He's already ruined my life and now he's killed me.

I know there is no getting past the damage to my already low self esteem. I know I will hear those words ringing in my ears the rest of whatever life I have. I know I will always believe them to be true.

Intelligence, sincerity, honesty, integrity, compassion, sense of humor, kind heart, gentle soul...none of it means anything, none of it got me anywhere. When a woman is ugly, she cannot expect anything in life no matter what other qualities she possesses.

Call him shallow, stupid, selfish, narcissistic, evil, all of that and more. It's all true. But. The fact is that I am too ugly for him to want to face every day.

And of course there's the children to consider. He's apparently always been very worried our children would end up looking like me.

Oh yeah. Rub some iodine in the wound, too, as long as it's gaping open.

For the sake of all humanity, I'm begging you, no matter what lies you have to tell, no matter how bad the break up, do not ever, ever say these things to another human being.

I agree with her in the fact that you should never, ever, ever say this to someone. No matter how beautiful or ugly a girl is, this is something she always worries about and to have a male in her life, especially one she cares about tell her she is ugly is so damaging. I hope that all the men in my life learn one thing from this entry ... love a woman for who she is inside, because that is where true beauty is. For the women in my life I hope that you realize this too. You are all beautiful daughters of God ... and heck with any man who can't see that.

The new friendship site is up! Enjoy!

Also added Michael Phelps to my favorites page.

New poll ... new pics from my trip to Park City this past weekend ... and the best thing ever - Sister Hazel's new cd Lift hits stores today! Yipee!

AUGUST 23, 2004 - IN A DRESSING ROOM

Sometimes I think I have seen it all, and then I go to the Old Navy Outlet and I cease to be surprised by some people's attitudes. I was in the dress room waiting for my friend when this teenage girl comes in and walks right past the attendant. He calls after her and she turns around like he is putting her out by talking to her. He asks her if she can count the clothes for him, and she looks him straight in the face and tells him no. I am astonished at how rude the girl is. I am thinking to myself, "Has she ever been in a dressing room before?" I mean seriously, this is like standard operating procedure!

We need to have common courtesy to those around us ... treat them kindly. Trust me I have worked in a dressing room before, and it isn't always the funnest job. Every person in this world, no matter what job they are doing, deserves our respect ... from janitor to waitress to bus driver to security guard. Be kind.

AUGUST 19, 2004 - WITH A CAPITAL M

Motivation ... what motivates someone to move forward? To reach the goal? I think we all have various levels of motivation in our lives. Some are extremely motivated, real self starters. Others are constantly needing to be poked with a stick by others to get them headed in the right direction and staying in that direction. Then I think that each situation causes motivation levels to go up and down.

I consider myself to over all be a self-starter. I am quite motivated in most things with friends, my callings, etc.... and normally at work. But recently I have no motivation to get myself going in the mornings and get myself to work... mostly because I dread going there. I have three bosses ... two make me feel like I am there as their personal slaves (maybe that is a slight exaggeration, but you get the picture). The other one is always encouraging and makes me feel like what I do is important. This person sends me thank you emails and tells me that I have done a good job. So when they give me a job I am more motivated to get it done right away. Unlike with the other two ... I usually dread the jobs they give me. And half the time they get frustrated with me, isn't because of something I did, it was their lack of planning. Their lack of planning isn't my emergency.

There is a new featured pic - the great Michael Phelps! Isn't he adorable?

AUGUST 18, 2004 - LOOKING BELOW THE SURFACE

I have had a few things on my mind recently and I haven't taken the time to write about them, mostly because I have still not totally figured them out yet. Then I read my friends' blog and realized that this person has also thought about this, and decided it was time to put down my thoughts and feelings on this topic.

How well do people really know us? How much time is one really willing to invest to find out more about someone? or to invest by letting someone get to know them?

I thought I knew myself pretty well, but a situation that has occured in my life helped me to see how much I don't know about myself and it also showed me that others really don't understand or know me either. Or at least haven't taken the time to get to know or understand me. And because of this situation it has made me want to close myself off, no longer trust or let others in. Because by letting someone get to know you, means opening yourself up to get hurt. Still trying to decide if the hurt is worth it.

AUGUST 16, 2004 - WONDERFUL WEEKEND

I had such a nice weekend....I forgot how nice it is to do photoshoots and just relax with a peach. How fun it is to rearrange my room and put things back together again. How much I enjoy watching reruns of old shows that I used to watch religiously ... how fun it is to crack jokes with old friends ... what a great weekend it was!

I updated the Spotlight, Out of the Mouth Of and Fab Film Line. Check them out! Plus I added some pics hanging out with Haley on Friday and the portraits from the photoshoot I did with Heidi.

AUGUST 13, 2004 - LIFE IS SHORT

First off, happy Friday the 13th. Hope everyone has a fun one!

Yesterday I went to a funeral up in Bountiful. It was for my friend Sarah's little girl Ellie Louise. She was born on August 2nd and passed away on August 8th. You can read her obituary here.

There was some things that were said at the funeral yesterday that really hit me. One thing that was mentioned was how short life is .... wether a person dies at 6 days old or 95 years old, it is short. We don't know when our life will end or when someone close to us will be gone, but we should live each day of our life in gratitude to our Heavenly Father for giving us each day, for gratitude and love to those that we care for. If you have hurt someone or made them angry, try to correct it as soon as you can. Because tomorrow might be too late to let them know how much we care. Take advantage of every day that you are blessed with.

I am so grateful for the life that I have been given. For the day that today is and for all those that I love. Thank you for being one of them!

AUGUST 12, 2004 - MAKING CHANGES

I am making changes ... what kind of changes you might ask .... well the first one is the layout on this site. Others with both the site and my life will soon follow.

AUGUST 10, 2004 - UPSET STOMACH

I have decided that being sick is highly over-rated! I went home from work early yesterday because my stomach was so upset. I then slept for three hours .... ummm... sleep .... good! Wish I was sleeping now!

AUGUST 9, 2004 - COMFORTABLE IN ONE'S OWN SKIN

Have you ever tried to be someone that you aren't? You rarely are comfortable wearing a skin that isn't yours and it can prove to be quite frustrating. This past weekend I tried really hard to be someone that I am not, and all it did was make me mad at myself.

I have had a few people try to encourage me to make some changes in my life. I know they are doing it because they want to see me happy, and in all honesty I really haven't been happy the past few weeks. But is it right for me to change who I am. One person says that by being "tougher" will make it so I am not as easy to walk all over... this is true, but being "tough" isn't who I am. I just am not sure what I should do.

AUGUST 5, 2004 - DRAMA QUEEN

Okay - so I can be a slight drama queen .... it is the way that I described myself on my friends page. I must say that was how I was feeling when I wrote that, but it really didn't last long, because I was reminded that there are more people out there that do care about me. And when I think about the situation that caused me to write that paragraph, I realize that I actually feel at peace about this change. That I deserve better then that, and for once I don't blame myself for what happened.

So ever since the bishop made his H.A.L.T. talk it is amazing how many times I have heard the word horizontal used in conversation ... I find it rather funny!

AUGUST 3, 2004 - BROKEN

Most of my life has been spent feeling unloved and unwanted by one or more people. I have tried to over come these feelings but as soon as I start to think that I am just being insecure, something happens to prove otherwise. I am just not worth it. I am just someone that is more of an annoyance then anything else. It would be better if I just disappeared. I think I might just do that.

I added the other D.J.P.P. pics as promised.

AUGUST 2, 2004 - DAVID B. HAIGHT

I am sure most of you have heard the news that Elder David B. Haight passed away on Saturday at the age of 97. He lived a long and fulfilling life. Who could forget his awesome appearances at General Conference and his waving to the audience. He will be missed!

This past weekend I went camping in American Fork Canyon. On the way up the canyon I had my window rolled down and I was enjoying being up in the canyon. Well something came in my window and hit me in the head. I wasn't sure what it was so I put my hand to my head where it hit me and the next thing I knew there was a sharp pain in my hand. I had been stung by a bee. My entire hand ended up swelling up and was quite itchy & painful. To see pictures go here.

Also the D.J.P.P. has more pictures from yesterday. I will have some more tomorrow. But until then enjoy these.

Updated the Out of the Mouth of and the Fab Film Line.

JULY 29, 2004 - INTO THE WOODS I GO

I am heading south to go camping for the next few days and so there won't be any updates until I get back - I mean who has internet access up a canyon?

JULY 28, 2004 - GOING THROUGH MY VEINS

Music .... such an amazing thing! I made a new music mix last night and it is making me oh so happy today! I am dancing at my desk ... hana hana hana hana!

JULY 27, 2004 - LIVING IN REALITY

Every person has passions & hobbies. Things that make them happy and interesting. What makes each of us unique individuals. What makes us sane on those days when everything else is all jumbled up. For me one of those passions is my photography. I love to escape from the world behind the lense of my Canon Rebel 2000 and picture things in a way that is different then what is right in front of me.

I think it is healthy to have these passions. But the question is when do these passions, hobbies, interests, or whatever you want to call them, become a hindurance to our lives (wether we realize it or not.) Whenever these things get in the way of your relationships, responsibilities, etc... it is not a good thing. Just realize that the people in your life are always more important than a video game, movie, etc...

P.S. Updated the poll!

JULY 26, 2004 - IT'S SENATOR CLINTON TO YOU

Well I guess I have been dubbed as Senator Clinton. I find this quite hilarious and thought I would share a picture with you. To learn more about this politician (who according to C.J. will be attending the Democratic convention this week in Boston) go here.

Updated the fab film line, out of the mouth of, and featured pic.

JULY 22, 2004 - NEAL A. MAXWELL

I learned the news that Elder Neal A. Maxwell passed away last night at 11:45 p.m. after battling leukemia. He was 78 years old. To read the church's official release on this event go here.

I will truly miss this man. His talks always were some of my favorite during General Conference. He was truly inspired and will be greatly missed.

JULY 21, 2004 - INCONSIDERACY - IS THAT A WORD?
So there's this guy named Emile and he is a very nice guy. He is your typical male. He likes sports, has a good sense of humor and enjoys being in the company of females. The one major qualm with Emile is that he is not good at being considerate of those around him. He says he is going to do one thing, but then doesn't do it. Like phone calls. If he says he is going to call at say 7:00 p.m., he won't. So his friends end up sitting around waiting for his phone calls but they never come. This is inconsiderate. If you make dinner plans with Emile for 5:00 p.m. he usually doesn't show up until 5:30 or 6:00 p.m. This is inconsiderate.

If we decide to tell someone we are going to do something, then we should follow through. And if we can't then we should call and let them know.

Last night, we had a good friend that is from Virginia come spend the evening with us. We went to the Mayan for dinner and then hung out at Betsy & Abe's. Go here to see the pictures.

JULY 20, 2004 - WHAT I DO
Does what we do matter? Every day when we get up and get out of bed, does the work we do at our jobs matter? Does it make a difference to someone? When we go out with our friends and spend time with them, do we make a difference in their lives? I have been thinking about this a lot the past few days, does my life matter or make a difference to anyone around me?

JULY 19, 2004 - ALIAS JUNKIE
So I went out on Friday and bought the complete second season of Alias on dvd. I have been wanting it for awhile, and when I heard the third season was coming out soon, I decided I would splurge and buy it for myself. Well I spent the majority of the weekend relaxing on my couch watching the first 14 episodes. I mean I did get some other stuff done, went to a bbq, church, ward prayer and all that, but Michael Vartan just kept calling my name! ;o}

A slight change on this week's spotlight. About a month or so ago, one of my friends suggested I spotlight myself. I thought this was a great idea, but who wants to sit around and come up with nice things to say about themselves...oh, I am so wonderful! So I recruited help from a couple of my wonderful friends (a big thank you to them) and voila! Now there is an updated spotlight!

I also updated the fab film line and featured pic!

P.S. Did you know that Diet Coke with Lime can get you some good belching? Just thought I'd share!

P.S.S. Sure appreciate ya!

JULY 15, 2004 - CRAZY AND CRAVING
Food, food, food, food....that is all that is on my mind today. I am sitting here just craving something delicious to eat. Something like chocolate, ice cream, chicken, cheese fries, lettuce wraps, ravioli, chicken tika massala, french fries, strawberry fields salad, chicken monterey, a bacon cheeseburger, peanut butter cookies, chicken pot pie, cheese fries, corn dog, etc. Did I mention that I LOVE CHICKEN! Oooh and then there is drinks .... how about a peach lemonade?

JULY 14, 2004 - LOSE OF CONTROL
I hate feeling like I have no control over the situations that happen in my life ... and unfortunately that happens a lot. It is happening a lot right now and I HATE IT! I hate feeling like I have to just sit and wait for things to run their course, that my hands are tied and I am just waiting for others to decide which way things will go.

Something else happened this week at my work. A service missionary was raped outside of the building that I work at. If you are interested in the story you can watch it here or read it here. This is the second time this has happened at a place that I have worked at, the last time was a girl that sat in the same cubicle as me. Gals, please be careful!

Added pics from Monday night's FHE.

JULY 13, 2004 - ORANGE CELL PHONES & WEDDING DRESSES
My stomach is all twisted in knots of excitement and nervousness as I am experiencing the day that I have been waiting for all my life. My arms are full of white daisies and red and white roses. We take pictures surrounded by family and loved ones and Adam* carries the train of my long white dress. I am so happy!

Adam and I leave and head to a reception held in our honor. We get into my black Jeep and I get behind the wheel (isn't that a pretty picture - me wearing a long white dress and trying to get up into my Jeep!) Adam gets into the passenger seat and we head to the highway. We are driving along when Adam asks to borrow my cell phone to make a call. I hand him my orange cell phone and as he is chatting the cell phone flies out the open window of the Jeep.

Needless to say, I am not exactly thrilled. I am quite worried - mostly about the fact that I need that SIM card. It has all my phone numbers on it! So we pull the Jeep over to the shoulder of the highway. Adam jumps out of the car. We were being followed by some of his relatives, so they jump out of the car to try and help. They manage to get everything except for the SIM card! We decide it isn't that important and head to the reception.

We arrive there. And out front is a girl from my student ward. She runs to the car and says, "I heard about your cell phone!" My first thought is what is she doing here? And how does she know about my cell phone? Then I wake up.

This is one of only two dreams that I have ever remembered. Some think it is just funny, others have told me that it is a vision of what is to come, etc. I am not sure exactly what it means, but I find it interesting.

(* a random name is used)

I added a new poll (please vote) and updated the spotlight! Plus I moved the Out of the Mouth Of section to the main page. Go see what Aaron had to say!

JULY 12, 2004 - LESSONS ON FRIENDSHIP
I have been thinking a lot this past weekend, and I thought I would share some of what I learned with everyone:

Friendship is work. Friendship is compromise. Friendship is up to two people. And no matter how much one person puts into it, if both aren't working at it, then it is bound to fail.

Never take advantage of the people in your life. Let them know how you feel about them, because you never know how much they might need to hear it and tomorrow might be too late.

Always be honest with those you care about. I know that sometimes we worry about the fact that we might hurt their feelings, by telling them something that is hard. But you know what, if they find out in another way they are more likely to hurt worse.

I have pictures from Heidi's birthday dinner and from the This is the Place Concert up in the gallery!

JULY 9, 2004 - SPEECHLESS
There isn't much to say today. So I am not going to even try to put how I am feeling into words. I hope that everyone has a good weekend. And I will see you, when I see you.

JULY 8, 2004 - THE OPPOSITE SEX
First things first -

Okay now maybe it is because I am extremely exhausted or maybe it was because I had the most hilarious conversation last night, or maybe it is all the crazy surveys my friends and I have done. But I just felt like talking about what people think about the opposite sex, or at least what I think about the opposite sex. Now I can say that I don't pay attention to the physical attributes, but that would be a lie. There are things about a person's looks that I do find appealing. I love eyes, smile, & hands. But I think that all three of those tell something about the person's character.

I will agree with a few of my other friends that I don't really find the person attractive until I get to know them. I think that personality is what makes a guy attractive. The guys that I usually end up liking are the ones that I have seen how they are at church, with their families, with their friends, etc. You see what kind of person they really are.

I like a guy who can make me laugh. I think a sense of humor is so essential! I want to be able to laugh at life and at myself! And I want him to be my best friend...someone I can be myself with, talk with, feel safe with.

And the most important is a worthy and active temple attender. The reason I put it that way is if they are worthy to go to the temple, then they honor their priesthood and are worthy to marry me there...and that is the one thing that matters the most.

JULY 7, 2004 - THE D.J.P.P.
Everyone has been asking me what the D.J.P.P. is - so here goes:

The D.J.P.P. stands for the Dear John Phil Project. My good friend Phil (a.k.a. Spud Butt) is leaving on his mission at the end of this year, so until he goes we are going to be taking pictures of him with a bunch of our girl friends. Then when he leaves for his mission he will take them with him. Once he is out we will start sending him "Dear John Letters". The goal of the project is to have it so he gets approximately 2 or 3 Dear John letters a month. We want to make this believeable so we are taking pictures of him with all the girls. If you would like to participate let me know. To see the pics so far go here.

JULY 7, 2004 - STOP YAWNING!
Did you know that sleep is such a necessity? Seriously! I know that sounds dumb, but a lot of us rarely get the sleep that we need in order to survive properly. As a whole adults need approximately 7 or 8 hours of sleep to be properly rested, though some can do fine on as little as 5 hours. We might program our body to run on less sleep, but really the lack of sleep impairs our reaction time, judgement, our hand-eye coordination, and other things. It also can effect our immune system and research has shown that sleep is needed for our nervous systems to work properly.

So this might explain why I feel like total junk this morning. I have been getting very few hours of sleep the past few nights. I did manage to get to bed last night at a reasonable hour, but even that one night of sleep wasn't enough to get me caught up. So I am sitting here yawning and I have the absolute worst headache ever! I have big plans to work towards fixing this problem tonight!

Also I have a bunch of new pictures from Ensign Peak (check these out because Brenda makes her debut as a model) and the first two DJPP photos.

JULY 6, 2004 - MASQUERADE
The site has gotten a total face lift. I have made some changes besides just the layout, so you might want to look around and see the new things on the site. The biggest change is the forum. It is now called "The Notebook." I have noticed how much my friends and I enjoy talking about movies, music, etc... so this is where you can read about and write your opinions on various films, cds, books, etc. This section will only be as successful as you make it - so please check it out. Plus I updated the poll, fab film line, spotlight, etc.