AUGUST
25, 2004 - DISTRACTED
Nothing new going
on in my life ... just spent the
week getting things in order. And
allowing myself to be slightly distracted
by the very charasmatic Michael
Phelps. I love his attitude and
sense of determination. I will share
a pic with you all:

I have added a
few more pages to the friendship
page.
AUGUST
25, 2004 - ANALOGY
There are three
men on the edge of a forest. All
three men are given instructions
to go through the forest to the
other side and reach their goal.
The first man starts out and wanders
through the forest in circles. He
finally gives up and ends up back
at the beginning. The second man
starts out and goes on a straight
course through the forest, trampling
the grass and flowers as he goes.
When he reaches the other side,
he looks back and sees the damage
he has done to get to his goal.
The third man starts out on a straight
path and takes the time to enjoy
the beauty of the forest. He plants
new trees and enjoys the trip. He
like the second guy reaches his
goal, but when he looks back he
sees the beauty that he left behind.
Which man are you?
AUGUST
25, 2004 - SURVIVING
I am hanging on
... by a mere thread. Over the past
two months parts of me have been
dying ... and I think the time has
come when the completion is here.
I am dead. The girl that I once
was is gone ... and I am not sure
she can ever come back. The girl
who loved to laugh like a machine
gun occassionally surfaces, but
the trigger is harder to pull.
I just added a
new and improved out of the mouth
of quote.
AUGUST
24, 2004 - FOR THE SAKE OF HUMANITY
Urgh! I am going
to vent ... you have been warned!
I have tons of
fabulous friends from both the female
and the male varieties. And I am
extremely grateful for these people,
but occassionally the male variety
sends me in to an emotional roller
coaster. And after reading a blog
that another girl wrote, it really
got me to thinking.
This girl was having
a relationship with a man. The two
had dated previously and he had
come back into her life. She was
a little skeptical, but decided
to give it a try anyways. Things
were going really well and she was
extremely happy. As she put it she
felt safe and alive with him. Then
one day a discussion the two had,
brought things to a quick halt.
Let me share with you part of her
comments:
He emphatically stated, angrily,
that he is never, ever going to
marry me for the sole reason that
I am not good looking enough for
him.
And that, guys, is how you ruin
a woman's life. Regardless of the
source, once a person hears those
words, from anyone, just once, they
stick like super glue for life.
Coming from the person the woman
loves wholly and dearly above and
beyond all others, those words are
fatal.
He's already ruined my life and
now he's killed me.
I know there
is no getting past the damage to
my already low self esteem. I know
I will hear those words ringing
in my ears the rest of whatever
life I have. I know I will always
believe them to be true.
Intelligence, sincerity, honesty,
integrity, compassion, sense of
humor, kind heart, gentle soul...none
of it means anything, none of it
got me anywhere. When a woman is
ugly, she cannot expect anything
in life no matter what other qualities
she possesses.
Call him shallow, stupid, selfish,
narcissistic, evil, all of that
and more. It's all true. But. The
fact is that I am too ugly for him
to want to face every day.
And of course there's the children
to consider. He's apparently always
been very worried our children would
end up looking like me.
Oh yeah. Rub some iodine in the
wound, too, as long as it's gaping
open.
For the sake of all humanity, I'm
begging you, no matter what lies
you have to tell, no matter how
bad the break up, do not ever, ever
say these things to another human
being.
I agree with her
in the fact that you should never,
ever, ever say this to someone.
No matter how beautiful or ugly
a girl is, this is something she
always worries about and to have
a male in her life, especially one
she cares about tell her she is
ugly is so damaging. I hope that
all the men in my life learn one
thing from this entry ... love a
woman for who she is inside, because
that is where true beauty is. For
the women in my life I hope that
you realize this too. You are all
beautiful daughters of God ... and
heck with any man who can't see
that.
The new friendship
site is up! Enjoy!
Also added Michael
Phelps to my favorites page.
New poll ... new
pics from my trip
to Park City this past weekend
... and the best thing ever - Sister
Hazel's new cd Lift hits stores
today! Yipee!
AUGUST
23, 2004 - IN A DRESSING ROOM
Sometimes I think
I have seen it all, and then I go
to the Old Navy Outlet and I cease
to be surprised by some people's
attitudes. I was in the dress room
waiting for my friend when this
teenage girl comes in and walks
right past the attendant. He calls
after her and she turns around like
he is putting her out by talking
to her. He asks her if she can count
the clothes for him, and she looks
him straight in the face and tells
him no. I am astonished at how rude
the girl is. I am thinking to myself,
"Has she ever been in a dressing
room before?" I mean seriously,
this is like standard operating
procedure!
We need to have
common courtesy to those around
us ... treat them kindly. Trust
me I have worked in a dressing room
before, and it isn't always the
funnest job. Every person in this
world, no matter what job they are
doing, deserves our respect ...
from janitor to waitress to bus
driver to security guard. Be kind.
AUGUST
19, 2004 - WITH A CAPITAL M
Motivation ...
what motivates someone to move forward?
To reach the goal? I think we all
have various levels of motivation
in our lives. Some are extremely
motivated, real self starters. Others
are constantly needing to be poked
with a stick by others to get them
headed in the right direction and
staying in that direction. Then
I think that each situation causes
motivation levels to go up and down.
I consider myself
to over all be a self-starter. I
am quite motivated in most things
with friends, my callings, etc....
and normally at work. But recently
I have no motivation to get myself
going in the mornings and get myself
to work... mostly because I dread
going there. I have three bosses
... two make me feel like I am there
as their personal slaves (maybe
that is a slight exaggeration, but
you get the picture). The other
one is always encouraging and makes
me feel like what I do is important.
This person sends me thank you emails
and tells me that I have done a
good job. So when they give me a
job I am more motivated to get it
done right away. Unlike with the
other two ... I usually dread the
jobs they give me. And half the
time they get frustrated with me,
isn't because of something I did,
it was their lack of planning. Their
lack of planning isn't my emergency.
There is a new
featured pic - the great Michael
Phelps! Isn't he adorable?
AUGUST
18, 2004 - LOOKING BELOW THE SURFACE
I have had a few
things on my mind recently and I
haven't taken the time to write
about them, mostly because I have
still not totally figured them out
yet. Then I read my friends' blog
and realized that this person has
also thought about this, and decided
it was time to put down my thoughts
and feelings on this topic.
How well do people
really know us? How much time is
one really willing to invest to
find out more about someone? or
to invest by letting someone get
to know them?
I thought I knew
myself pretty well, but a situation
that has occured in my life helped
me to see how much I don't know
about myself and it also showed
me that others really don't understand
or know me either. Or at least haven't
taken the time to get to know or
understand me. And because of this
situation it has made me want to
close myself off, no longer trust
or let others in. Because by letting
someone get to know you, means opening
yourself up to get hurt. Still trying
to decide if the hurt is worth it.
AUGUST
16, 2004 - WONDERFUL WEEKEND
I had such a nice
weekend....I forgot how nice it
is to do photoshoots and just relax
with a peach. How fun it is to rearrange
my room and put things back together
again. How much I enjoy watching
reruns of old shows that I used
to watch religiously ... how fun
it is to crack jokes with old friends
... what a great weekend it was!
I updated the Spotlight,
Out of the Mouth Of and Fab Film
Line. Check them out! Plus I added
some pics hanging
out with Haley on Friday and
the portraits from the photoshoot
I did with Heidi.
AUGUST
13, 2004 - LIFE IS SHORT
First off, happy
Friday the 13th. Hope everyone has
a fun one!
Yesterday I went
to a funeral up in Bountiful. It
was for my friend Sarah's little
girl Ellie Louise. She was born
on August 2nd and passed away on
August 8th. You can read her obituary
here.
There was some
things that were said at the funeral
yesterday that really hit me. One
thing that was mentioned was how
short life is .... wether a person
dies at 6 days old or 95 years old,
it is short. We don't know when
our life will end or when someone
close to us will be gone, but we
should live each day of our life
in gratitude to our Heavenly Father
for giving us each day, for gratitude
and love to those that we care for.
If you have hurt someone or made
them angry, try to correct it as
soon as you can. Because tomorrow
might be too late to let them know
how much we care. Take advantage
of every day that you are blessed
with.
I am so grateful
for the life that I have been given.
For the day that today is and for
all those that I love. Thank you
for being one of them!
AUGUST
12, 2004 - MAKING CHANGES
I am making changes
... what kind of changes you might
ask .... well the first one is the
layout on this site. Others with
both the site and my life will soon
follow.
AUGUST
10, 2004 - UPSET STOMACH
I have decided
that being sick is highly over-rated!
I went home from work early yesterday
because my stomach was so upset.
I then slept for three hours ....
ummm... sleep .... good! Wish I
was sleeping now!
AUGUST
9, 2004 - COMFORTABLE IN ONE'S OWN
SKIN
Have you ever tried
to be someone that you aren't? You
rarely are comfortable wearing a
skin that isn't yours and it can
prove to be quite frustrating. This
past weekend I tried really hard
to be someone that I am not, and
all it did was make me mad at myself.
I have had a few
people try to encourage me to make
some changes in my life. I know
they are doing it because they want
to see me happy, and in all honesty
I really haven't been happy the
past few weeks. But is it right
for me to change who I am. One person
says that by being "tougher"
will make it so I am not as easy
to walk all over... this is true,
but being "tough" isn't
who I am. I just am not sure what
I should do.
AUGUST
5, 2004 - DRAMA QUEEN
Okay - so I can
be a slight drama queen .... it
is the way that I described myself
on my friends page. I must say that
was how I was feeling when I wrote
that, but it really didn't last
long, because I was reminded that
there are more people out there
that do care about me.
And when I think about the situation
that caused me to write that paragraph,
I realize that I actually feel at
peace about this change. That I
deserve better then that, and for
once I don't blame myself for what
happened.
So ever since the
bishop made his H.A.L.T. talk it
is amazing how many times I have
heard the word horizontal used in
conversation ... I find it rather
funny!
AUGUST
3, 2004 - BROKEN
Most of my life
has been spent feeling unloved and
unwanted by one or more people.
I have tried to over come these
feelings but as soon as I start
to think that I am just being insecure,
something happens to prove otherwise.
I am just not worth it. I am just
someone that is more of an annoyance
then anything else. It would be
better if I just disappeared. I
think I might just do that.
I added the other
D.J.P.P. pics as promised.
AUGUST
2, 2004 - DAVID B. HAIGHT

I am sure most
of you have heard the news that
Elder David B. Haight passed away
on Saturday at the age of 97. He
lived a long and fulfilling life.
Who could forget his awesome appearances
at General Conference and his waving
to the audience. He will be missed!
This past weekend
I went camping in American Fork
Canyon. On the way up the canyon
I had my window rolled down and
I was enjoying being up in the canyon.
Well something came in my window
and hit me in the head. I wasn't
sure what it was so I put my hand
to my head where it hit me and the
next thing I knew there was a sharp
pain in my hand. I had been stung
by a bee. My entire hand ended up
swelling up and was quite itchy
& painful. To see pictures go
here.
Also the D.J.P.P.
has more pictures from yesterday.
I will have some more tomorrow.
But until then enjoy these.



Updated the Out of
the Mouth of and the Fab Film Line.
JULY 29,
2004 - INTO THE WOODS I GO
I am heading south
to go camping for the next few days
and so there won't be any updates
until I get back - I mean who has
internet access up a canyon?
JULY 28,
2004 - GOING THROUGH MY VEINS
Music .... such
an amazing thing! I made a new music
mix last night and it is making
me oh so happy today! I am dancing
at my desk ... hana hana hana hana!
JULY 27,
2004 - LIVING IN REALITY
Every person has
passions & hobbies. Things that
make them happy and interesting.
What makes each of us unique individuals.
What makes us sane on those days
when everything else is all jumbled
up. For me one of those passions
is my photography. I love to escape
from the world behind the lense
of my Canon Rebel 2000 and picture
things in a way that is different
then what is right in front of me.
I think it is healthy
to have these passions. But the
question is when do these passions,
hobbies, interests, or whatever
you want to call them, become a
hindurance to our lives (wether
we realize it or not.) Whenever
these things get in the way of your
relationships, responsibilities,
etc... it is not a good thing. Just
realize that the people in your
life are always more important than
a video game, movie, etc...
P.S. Updated the
poll!
JULY 26,
2004 - IT'S SENATOR CLINTON TO YOU

Well I guess I
have been dubbed as Senator Clinton.
I find this quite hilarious and
thought I would share a picture
with you. To learn more about this
politician (who according to C.J.
will be attending the Democratic
convention this week in Boston)
go here.
Updated the fab
film line, out of the mouth of,
and featured pic.
JULY 22,
2004 - NEAL A. MAXWELL

I learned the news
that Elder Neal A. Maxwell passed
away last night at 11:45 p.m. after
battling leukemia. He was 78 years
old. To read the church's official
release on this event go here.
I will truly miss
this man. His talks always were
some of my favorite during General
Conference. He was truly inspired
and will be greatly missed.
JULY 21,
2004 - INCONSIDERACY - IS THAT A
WORD?
So there's this guy named Emile
and he is a very nice guy. He is
your typical male. He likes sports,
has a good sense of humor and enjoys
being in the company of females.
The one major qualm with Emile is
that he is not good at being considerate
of those around him. He says he
is going to do one thing, but then
doesn't do it. Like phone calls.
If he says he is going to call at
say 7:00 p.m., he won't. So his
friends end up sitting around waiting
for his phone calls but they never
come. This is inconsiderate. If
you make dinner plans with Emile
for 5:00 p.m. he usually doesn't
show up until 5:30 or 6:00 p.m.
This is inconsiderate.
If we decide to
tell someone we are going to do
something, then we should follow
through. And if we can't then we
should call and let them know.
Last night, we
had a good friend that is from Virginia
come spend the evening with us.
We went to the Mayan for dinner
and then hung out at Betsy &
Abe's. Go here to see the pictures.
JULY 20, 2004
- WHAT I DO
Does what we do matter? Every day
when we get up and get out of bed,
does the work we do at our jobs
matter? Does it make a difference
to someone? When we go out with
our friends and spend time with
them, do we make a difference in
their lives? I have been thinking
about this a lot the past few days,
does my life matter or make a difference
to anyone around me?
JULY 19, 2004
- ALIAS JUNKIE
So I went out on Friday and bought
the complete second season of Alias
on dvd. I have been wanting it for
awhile, and when I heard the third
season was coming out soon, I decided
I would splurge and buy it for myself.
Well I spent the majority of the
weekend relaxing on my couch watching
the first 14 episodes. I mean I
did get some other stuff done, went
to a bbq, church, ward prayer and
all that, but Michael Vartan just
kept calling my name! ;o}
A slight change
on this week's spotlight. About
a month or so ago, one of my friends
suggested I spotlight myself. I
thought this was a great idea, but
who wants to sit around and come
up with nice things to say about
themselves...oh, I am so wonderful!
So I recruited help from a couple
of my wonderful friends (a big thank
you to them) and voila! Now there
is an updated spotlight!
I also updated
the fab film line and featured pic!
P.S. Did you know
that Diet Coke with Lime can get
you some good belching? Just thought
I'd share!
P.S.S. Sure appreciate
ya!
JULY 15, 2004
- CRAZY AND CRAVING
Food, food, food, food....that is
all that is on my mind today. I
am sitting here just craving something
delicious to eat. Something like
chocolate, ice cream, chicken, cheese
fries, lettuce wraps, ravioli, chicken
tika massala, french fries, strawberry
fields salad, chicken monterey,
a bacon cheeseburger, peanut butter
cookies, chicken pot pie, cheese
fries, corn dog, etc. Did I mention
that I LOVE CHICKEN! Oooh and then
there is drinks .... how about a
peach lemonade?
JULY 14, 2004
- LOSE OF CONTROL
I hate feeling like I have no control
over the situations that happen
in my life ... and unfortunately
that happens a lot. It is happening
a lot right now and I HATE IT!
I hate feeling like I have to just
sit and wait for things to run their
course, that my hands are tied and
I am just waiting for others to
decide which way things will go.
Something else
happened this week at my work. A
service missionary was raped outside
of the building that I work at.
If you are interested in the story
you can watch
it here or read
it here. This is the second
time this has happened at a place
that I have worked at, the last
time was a girl that sat in the
same cubicle as me. Gals, please
be careful!
Added pics
from Monday night's FHE.
JULY 13, 2004
- ORANGE CELL PHONES & WEDDING
DRESSES
My stomach is all twisted in knots
of excitement and nervousness as
I am experiencing the day that I
have been waiting for all my life.
My arms are full of white daisies
and red and white roses. We take
pictures surrounded by family and
loved ones and Adam*
carries the train of my long white
dress. I am so happy!
Adam and I leave
and head to a reception held in
our honor. We get into my black
Jeep and I get behind the wheel
(isn't that a pretty picture - me
wearing a long white dress and trying
to get up into my Jeep!) Adam gets
into the passenger seat and we head
to the highway. We are driving along
when Adam asks to borrow my cell
phone to make a call. I hand him
my orange cell phone and as he is
chatting the cell phone flies out
the open window of the Jeep.
Needless to say,
I am not exactly thrilled. I am
quite worried - mostly about the
fact that I need that SIM card.
It has all my phone numbers on it!
So we pull the Jeep over to the
shoulder of the highway. Adam jumps
out of the car. We were being followed
by some of his relatives, so they
jump out of the car to try and help.
They manage to get everything except
for the SIM card! We decide it isn't
that important and head to the reception.
We arrive there.
And out front is a girl from my
student ward. She runs to the car
and says, "I heard about your
cell phone!" My first thought
is what is she doing here? And how
does she know about my cell phone?
Then I wake up.
This is one of
only two dreams that I have ever
remembered. Some think it is just
funny, others have told me that
it is a vision of what is to come,
etc. I am not sure exactly what
it means, but I find it interesting.
(*
a random name is used)
I added a new poll
(please vote) and updated the spotlight!
Plus I moved the Out of the Mouth
Of section to the main page. Go
see what Aaron had to say!
JULY 12, 2004
- LESSONS ON FRIENDSHIP
I have been thinking a lot this
past weekend, and I thought I would
share some of what I learned with
everyone:
Friendship is work.
Friendship is compromise. Friendship
is up to two people. And no matter
how much one person puts into it,
if both aren't working at it, then
it is bound to fail.
Never take advantage
of the people in your life. Let
them know how you feel about them,
because you never know how much
they might need to hear it and tomorrow
might be too late.
Always be honest
with those you care about. I know
that sometimes we worry about the
fact that we might hurt their feelings,
by telling them something that is
hard. But you know what, if they
find out in another way they are
more likely to hurt worse.
I have pictures
from Heidi's
birthday dinner and from the
This
is the Place Concert up in the
gallery!
JULY 9, 2004
- SPEECHLESS
There isn't much to say today. So
I am not going to even try to put
how I am feeling into words. I hope
that everyone has a good weekend.
And I will see you, when I see you.
JULY 8, 2004
- THE OPPOSITE SEX
First things first -

Okay now maybe
it is because I am extremely exhausted
or maybe it was because I had the
most hilarious conversation last
night, or maybe it is all the crazy
surveys my friends and I have done.
But I just felt like talking about
what people think about the opposite
sex, or at least what I
think about the opposite sex. Now
I can say that I don't pay attention
to the physical attributes, but
that would be a lie. There are things
about a person's looks that I do
find appealing. I love eyes, smile,
& hands. But I think that all
three of those tell something about
the person's character.
I will agree with
a few of my other friends that I
don't really find the person attractive
until I get to know them. I think
that personality is what makes a
guy attractive. The guys that I
usually end up liking are the ones
that I have seen how they are at
church, with their families, with
their friends, etc. You see what
kind of person they really are.
I like a guy who
can make me laugh. I think a sense
of humor is so essential! I want
to be able to laugh at life and
at myself! And I want him to be
my best friend...someone I can be
myself with, talk with, feel safe
with.
And the most important
is a worthy and active temple attender.
The reason I put it that way is
if they are worthy to go to the
temple, then they honor their priesthood
and are worthy to marry me there...and
that is the one thing that matters
the most.
JULY 7, 2004
- THE D.J.P.P.
Everyone has been asking me what
the D.J.P.P. is - so here goes:
The D.J.P.P. stands
for the Dear John Phil Project.
My good friend Phil (a.k.a. Spud
Butt) is leaving on his mission
at the end of this year, so until
he goes we are going to be taking
pictures of him with a bunch of
our girl friends. Then when he leaves
for his mission he will take them
with him. Once he is out we will
start sending him "Dear John
Letters". The goal of the project
is to have it so he gets approximately
2 or 3 Dear John letters a month.
We want to make this believeable
so we are taking pictures of him
with all the girls. If you would
like to participate let me know.
To see the pics so far go here.
JULY 7, 2004
- STOP YAWNING!
Did you know that sleep is such
a necessity? Seriously! I know that
sounds dumb, but a lot of us rarely
get the sleep that we need in order
to survive properly. As a whole
adults need approximately 7 or 8
hours of sleep to be properly rested,
though some can do fine on as little
as 5 hours. We might program our
body to run on less sleep, but really
the lack of sleep impairs our reaction
time, judgement, our hand-eye coordination,
and other things. It also can effect
our immune system and research has
shown that sleep is needed for our
nervous systems to work properly.
So this might explain
why I feel like total junk this
morning. I have been getting very
few hours of sleep the past few
nights. I did manage to get to bed
last night at a reasonable hour,
but even that one night of sleep
wasn't enough to get me caught up.
So I am sitting here yawning and
I have the absolute worst headache
ever! I have big plans
to work towards fixing this problem
tonight!
Also I have a bunch
of new pictures from Ensign
Peak (check these out because
Brenda makes her debut as a model)
and the first two DJPP
photos.
JULY 6, 2004 - MASQUERADE
The site has gotten a total face lift.
I have made some changes besides just
the layout, so you might want to look
around and see the new things on the
site. The biggest change is the forum.
It is now called "The Notebook."
I have noticed how much my friends
and I enjoy talking about movies,
music, etc... so this is where you
can read about and write your opinions
on various films, cds, books, etc.
This section will only be as successful
as you make it - so please
check
it out. Plus I updated the poll,
fab film line, spotlight, etc.
So I am sitting here waiting for my
toe nails to dry and am filled with
total giddy anticipation - and it is
killing me that it is barely 8:30 in
the morning! They say good things come
to those who wait, and since I have
been waiting a while, I guess it will
be fantastic - so I guess I can wait
a little more!