Because I am a slacker - I am sending out a belated birthday wish to Tania:

First things first, tomorrow is Sarah Beth's birthday! Happy Birthday Sarah!

My life seems like it's been in a constant spiraling motion lately. Consistantly moving in circles and I can't seem to keep straight which way is up. As of this weekend I am temporarily moving out until I can figure out a more permenant solution. I feel like I should be more excited about this, but I am not. I hate the way things are right now. I hate the stress and the anger and the biting comments. I think it might have been easier, but I feel so alone. I hate these feelings and I am not sure how to get them to leave me alone. I hate it when my insecurities start showing.

I really have nothing to say today. I am utterly speechless ....

Pics from the Stake Sports Night Kick Off - all of them are here:

I am not even sure how to start ... so bare with me as I try to put my feelings into words. As many of you know a close friend of mine is leaving on his mission this week and I want to take a minute and dedicate this post to him.

I believe that every person who comes into your life is there for a specific reason and I believe that Phil is no exception in my life. He has taught me so much about respecting others and loving them. He has been able to make me laugh when no one else can and is a great example to me. As he goes out to serve our Father in Heaven I know he will be able to touch so many lives, and I know this because he has touched mine. Thank you Spud Butt for everything you've done - for our many talks, nights eating lumberjacks, races to catch pictures of the storm, sharing music & movies, and so much more. I am especially grateful that you have lived your life in away that you could be the answer to a prayer when I needed one most. I hope you realize just how much you mean to me.

Pics from the retreat - all of them are here:

Last night Phil, Ben, & I made lumberjack sandwiches and headed to Draper Park for a picnic. It was absoluteIy gorgeous outside plus we got a good laugh out of the teenagers that were there. They really thought that Ben was one "wicked" dude. I feel pretty lucky to have the Barker boys in my life. They help me not take myself so seriously and help me laugh a lot (a lot).

Here are the pics I took - to see all go here. (Warning - some are a bit odd!)

One thing that each of us craves in this world is to be respected. I am lucky to have at least one amazing individual in my life that treats me with respect and consideration and I am extremely grateful for him. This person is an individual who not only shows me a great amount of respect but also has a great amount of respect for the women in his life. This is something that has been on my mind as of late. How do we treat members of the opposite sex? What about members of our own sex? I am learning more and more how important it is to respect others and to have them respect you. Here are some examples: When I am around this person I feel that I can always be myself and I feel loved. In contrast, I have another individual in my life that everytime I am around him he belittles me and causes me to become defensive and then I am not very pleasant company. Mutual respect and admiration is what binds friendships and makes us all better people. This quality also makes you more attractive to those around you. The last question is how do we respect ourselves? This is something that I have struggled with through out my life and lately as my confidence has grown and I have noticed more and more things about myself that I like and enjoy and therefore I have come to respect the person that I am more.

This weekend I attended Phil's mission farewell and went to his house afterwards. Here are some of the pics - to see all go here.

For those of you that are interested here is a transcript of Elder Oak's address at the CES Fireside this month.

On Saturday I ran a 5K for breast cancer called Race for the Cure. This is my second year running this race and for some reason I feel very strongly about it. I am not sure why considering I don't really know anyone that has had breast cancer. Well that was true, until yesterday.

Last night we learned that a close family friend that we have known for about 20 years was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a mastectomy. When she called to tell us, she was over come with emotion and seemed a bit overwhelmed at what was facing her in her life. She is going to be starting chemotherapy soon and my prayers and thoughts have been with her since learning of her trial. You hear of people getting breast cancer, but it is never someone close to you. It is never someone that you love and care about. I realize that I have said similar things recently about a number of things and I guess that I am learning that no one is immune from having bad things happen to them. Everyone can be affected by situations in life such as cancer, HIV, death, etc. What we do is live our lives in away that we can be proud of. We can try to make a difference in the world, even if it only reaches those we see each day, we can make a difference. We just have to keep our faith and remember the great love that our Father in Heaven has for us. Sue, know that we love you and are praying for you.

Pictures from the race - to see all go here.

Pictures from Friday Night - to see all go here.

Almost all major events in my life have a song that is attached to it. When I hear that song it takes me back to that important moment in my life and for that moment I relive how I felt.

There is one song that every time I hear even a part of it, I then have it stuck in my head for a very long time! I have a friend who finds pleasure in getting this song stuck in my head. The main problem with this song is that it also has a memory association attached to it. And most of them have to do with a certain individual who used to be a major part of my life. Every time I hear the song memories of him and the feelings I had for him come to mind and I would have regrets and thoughts about why I wasted my time on that person. Needless to say, I try to avoid hearing the song.

This morning I was listening to an old mix cd and that song started to play. As I listened to it I realized how far I had come because for once I no longer regret the time I spent with that person and the feelings I had invested. I learned so much and have grown so much since then. If I were to ask myself if I would trade all of that, the answer would have to be, no. I am so glad that things happen in our lives. I am glad that we don't know what the future holds because I think it would hold us back from so many experiences that are meant to be apart of our lives. I look forward to the next experience.

I am so thrilled! I made my flight reservations this morning for my trip to Indiana! I know I am so silly to be so excited but I really can't wait! Just over a month and I will be back in good ol' Indiana! YES!

P.S. Happy Cinco de Mayo!

This morning started much earlier than usual and therefore my body is protesting right now. I had to take my mom to the airport so that she could fly to Ohio and pick up my grandfather who is coming to live with us for a few months. The perk to this is that I get the entire house to myself for the next few days. Yipee! Tonight I have big plans to curl up and watch Alias (still have the last two episodes to watch) and get to bed early, my body is yelling at me right now.

Last night I was able to chat with Kaitlin Sandeno, a gold medal Olympic swimmer who is from Southern California . She is a fun girl and I enjoy talking with her. She is addicted to Napoleon Dynamite and is constantly quoting it. I don't think I know anyone who loves that movie more (except for maybe Rachael!) Last night we were talking about guy friends. We both agreed that they are especially fun if they can make you laugh. I am pretty lucky that most of my guy friends are hilarious! I am constantly laughing when I am with them. They love teasing me. It's like good ol' George once told me, "If I didn't give you crap, you wouldn't know I cared about you." So to all my cute guy friends - thanks for the laughter and know that I love you!

Last night was filled with friends and a rousing game of dodge ball at the tute (speaking of dodge ball – Brenda we need to do glow in the dark dodge ball sometime soon!). I took way too many pictures, but I am sure you will all enjoy them.

Go here to see all of them. Now on to other things ...

Lately I have been thinking about the talents and gifts that I have been given. One of them is photography, one is computers, but I know that there are so many more. One of the gifts I have is to love. Sunday I was able to spend some time with my three favorite munchkins. Even though I am not biologically related to these three, I have a great abundance of love for them. Being with them brings me such joy. They constantly surprise me with the things they will say or do and I love it. I love jumping with them on the trampoline, watching Clark hunt for bugs as Jefferson tags behind, watching Elinor get into mischief, dancing with Bethany , etc. Children can be one of our greatest sources of joy and love. While reflecting over my feelings for these three beautiful souls reminds me of the love our Father in Heaven has for each of us. He loves us unconditionally and knows us perfectly. I try daily to return that love by the things I do and say. How grateful I am for Him and His perfect example and for the Love He gave by sending us His Son to give us a way to return one day and be by His side.

I really didn't like the last layout at all - so I decided that I just couldn't look at it anymore and so I revamped the look. I am really liking this new design. It features pictures of Jennifer Garner from InStyle magazine and lyrics from the song "This Is Me" by Faith Hill. Let me know what you think!

This past weekend I had a lot of me time. I did spend some time with my friends on Friday, but I had tons of time to think about things and relax. I listened to music and contimplated life a bit and how I see things. I am so lucky. I have great friends, mostly good health, and a lot of passions and talents to occupy my time.