I started doing this last year ... so here goes ...

Top Five of 2005

I hope everyone had a great 2005!

I realized this past week just how much I love my job. Over the past few years I have worked a job that I felt was important but let me feeling empty. I just felt unsatisfied in many ways. My new job at the high school gives me a sense of fulfillment. This past week as we have been on break I have really missed work and especially the students. Tonight two of the students told me thank you. I don't feel like I do very much, because I find such joy in them and feel blessed to be able to interact with them on a daily basis. They teach me a lot about life and how to look at the world in a different way. I hope I can give them a little bit back.

Do you ever wish you had a pensieve like they do in the world of Harry Potter? A place to put all your thoughts so that they don't have to become all jumbled in your head? I have a situation in my life that is constantly causing me to think way more than I want to. I am trying to make sense of the things that have been happening and what they mean. One moment I will feel confident and secure and the next totally confused and not knowing what to do. I would love to know what is going on and have a little bit more information to handle what is happening.

Sometimes I wonder …

I wonder about the girl I was. I wonder about the person that I am. I wonder about the woman I am becoming. I wonder about how I see the world and wether or not it is in reality the way that I am seeing it. I wonder what each day will bring and how I will handle it. I wonder what the future holds for me and how the things I am doing today will factor in.

So I will continue to sit here and wonder.

I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. The last few days have been full of craziness. Flat tire, moving out, moving back home, work, losing my voice, and more. None of it has been extremely fun but I keep telling myself that it is all happening for a reason. I believe that we never get more than we can handle, even though at the time it might appear that it is too hard. I might not understand why things are happening the way they are, but I know that my testimony in my Father in Heaven is strong enough that He is molding me and helping me get to where I need to be if I will only let Him. How I love Him for allowing me to become better.

Today I received word that my great aunt had passed away. In a way it was a relief because she was in a great deal of pain and I am happy that she was able to die at home which is what she wanted. But another part of me is sad at the loss from my life and how much I took for granted this beautiful woman. My Aunt Laura was one of the few family members who were supportive of me while I was on my mission. She wrote me letters at least once a month and always enclosed some money so I could go out to lunch. She shared her tatting and things with my mom and I which grace parts of my mother's home. She was a good lady and who will be missed.

I sometimes wonder what kind of impact we have on those around us. Are we leaving an impression on the world?

The first snow fall of the year finally happened. I love it! I love the white all around. I love the beauty that comes when the world is blanketed with a layer of snow.

Tonight I went with my friend Darci to Temple Square to see our ACappella perform. They did a great job. Here are some pics:

Tonight my visiting teachers came over and we had a lesson about knowing the Lord's will for each of us. This had me thinking a lot. I had a discussion with one of my high school teachers on Monday about where I am at in my life right now. I am not exactly where I imagined myself to be when I graduated from high school just over ten years ago. I don't regret the decisions I have made or where they have lead me, but there are days when I wonder exactly what I am doing. Am I becoming the person I am meant to be?

This past week I have been busy at various school functions. When I was in High School, I hated it. I was the girl who counted down the days until graduation. I loved college and my memories of high school stayed firmly in the back. So when I was hired at East High, my alma mater. I wasn't sure how I would feel about it. But it is so different being on the staff then it was being a student. You don't have quite the same amount of drama in your life and no homework! (definitely a plus!)

Thursday was crazy busy. It was the semi-final game against our rivals the Highland Rams. Unfortunately we lost but the team played well and had a great season. Plus my favorite part was seeing the unity that the students and staff had in the pride we have for our school. We all wore Red, White, & Leopard. Before school they had cookies shaped like Es and they had face painting. It was so fun. (pics)

Later that night was the opening night of the school's production of South Pacific. I have sat through most of the run throughs, but this was the first time I had seen the show all the way through and it was wonderful. They did such a great job! I am so proud of them and all the hard work they have put in to the show. (pics)

Sometimes I try to make sense of all that I am feeling and experiencing. Lately I have been surrounded by a sense of emptiness and on Sunday it seemed to be coming to a head. Then over the past three days I have been surrounded by my friends and people I care about. Tonight two of my closest friends came over for dinner and I enjoyed watching them and listening to them and laughing at their stories and jokes. It was such a comforting and beautiful feeling.